You're not her
by Ivy.Lunar.Reid
Summary: She loves him. Even if he hurt her. Even if he does not love her in return. But she will always love Hitachiin Kaoru. The story of a onesided love from a girl who married a man who loved his twin's wife.


You're not her

Disclaimer: I do not own this, please send the lawyers away. I need my sleep.

A/N: I can't believe I'm posting another one. I really should focus on my other story. But yea, this is the oneshot of Ouran, that I promised everyone. I was pissed off a while back while writing this, so it's a little dark. Characters are a little OOC, not too much. I'm doing this at 3am and i'm exhausted. i need to finish this so I can sleep.

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She waited patiently with her hands on her lap, for her husband to arrive. It was half past six, the time he usually appears for dinner. Waiting alone in the dinning hall, she thought about her estranged husband of eight months. When she first met him, they were still in high school. He was already a senior when she met him in the Third Music Room. He teased and joked, so casually unlike the other men within the school. Her attention was caught on him, never straying from him. It took her a long time before she could tell the difference between him and his twin, but she managed by the time he graduated. She was only a first year then, but she wanted to be his everything, she wanted him to love her like she loved him. Her friends loved his brotherly love act, but she needed more, she needed his love.

When she brought him up in during one of her family dinners with her parents, her parents thought it was a good idea for a mergence with the Hitachiin family. Their family was only a recent addition to the upper class society as well as the fashion industry, only within the last three generations. With a mergence with the Hitachiin family, their family might be able to become international. She was giddy when her parents told her that they will talk with the Hitachiin family to set up an engagement. She was so hopeful then, naïve of how painful love could be.

She went to the host club daily, day after day during his senior year. She would be his first designate princess and she would always be his last. She wanted to be the first person he saw as a host and the last person he saw before he went home. She wanted him to understand just how she felt for him. She would tell him, every day that she loved him. But he would only use her confession as a way to insert his brotherly act with his twin. It wound her for him to take her confession so lightly, but she never gave up. She continued on, hoping that her confessions would finally reach his heart.

The sound of mahogany doors opening snapped her attention back to the present. Her lips formed into the beautiful smile she was praised for. She always smiled for him. She'll smile for him even when he ignored her. She'll smile for him even if he hurts her. She loved him too much to ever frown at him. She looked up to see her husband holding a sketchpad and a pencil, looking ragged and tired walking though the doors, dropping off his briefcase and his suit jacket for the servants to pick up. He saw her waiting like always, gave her a nod of his head, and sat at the head of the table without a word to her. She was used to this treatment, but she would not relent to the silent treatment.

"Welcome back, anata. How was work?" She asked with her smile still on her face. He made a motion with his hand to signal the servants to start serving. He shrugged his shoulders and gave a small grunt. She smiled at his grunt. He was warming up to her. Before, he would never say anything to her when she asked. Even if it was a grunt, he paid her some attention.

When they had first married, he would not associate himself with her at all. When she woke up in the morning, he was gone. When he returned from his work, she would be asleep. After two months of this treatment, she was about to change her entire schedule around to fit for him, when he changed his schedule to somehow include her. He started waking up later, eating breakfast with her, and eating dinner with her as well. It took him a while to stand being near her, but she accepted it as a part of him. After all, he was the first of the original host club to get married. After marrying her, he moved out of the Hitachiin mansion and into a separate one, leaving behind his family and his twin.

The delicious aroma of lobster filtered into the air causing another smile to appear on her face. It was a smile of memory as she remembered the night before he graduated. He was invited to her family dinner with his parents. However, his twin was not invited. She was told to dress up and she did, dressed in her silk white gown specially made for the occasion. She was waiting when she saw him enter the hall. He was dressed in an amazing suit, customized by what she could tell himself. She knew he customized his own clothing. She knew he and his twin was starting their own fashion line. She wanted to be a model for his clothing brand, but it was not appropriate for a woman of her status to become a model. So she will admire his art from aside, promoting it through voice. They had lobster that night.

When the engagement was announced that night, she was beyond happy. She felt as if all her wishes were granted and her dreams came true. She looked over to her future husband and she felt fear. His face darkened and his eyes looked ready to kill. As fast as the murder intent came, it disappeared. He smiled at her and simply told his parents to do as they wished and he dismissed himself for the night. She was worried that he did not want to be with her but his parents comforted her with their words and the joy of being engaged to her love overpowered the worry.

After that night, the next day was his graduation. She went to his graduation bearing gifts and joy. She watched the ceremony, applauding for all the seniors but applauding the most for him. She nearly mistook him for his twin, which caused her to grow worried. She had to watch very closely to recognize which one was which. Her female intuition might have sparked something within her soul at that moment, a warning for the bleak future ahead, but she did not mind it. Instead, she watched as another student went up to get her diploma. However, this girl caught her attention. She has spent hours upon hours studying the small changes in the Hitachiin's clothing and noticed those changes and style on the girl. That's when she remembered who the girl was, Fujioka Haruhi, the only hostess within the Host Club, the valedictorian of the class, and the only girl who knew instinctively which twin was which.

She admired Fujioka-sempai greatly as well as envied her. She was the only Hostess of the Host club; she gets to work with her love on a regular basic. Her looks were above average, granted she was of commoner background, but she had looks. Her smooth, clear skin was beautiful and her big brown eyes were captivating. Fujioka-sempai was the smartest student of her year, smarter than any of the other students. She wasn't in the top five of her year, even with all her studying. Yet, the one thing she envied Fujioka-sempai the most, was her uncanny ability to know which twin was which. She heard from the senior ladies that Fujioka-sempai was able to distinguish which twin was which during her first month in Ouran. That ability was amazing and she envied the upperclassman for it.

During Fujioka-sempai's speech, she wasn't paying much attention to it; instead she was paying attention to the twins. They were doing something, which caused the students on stage to turn and giggle. Fujioka-sempai did not pay any attention to them; she only focused on her speech. She paid attention to how he was watching the valedictorian speaking, giving her his full attention while doing something to make her laugh. She smiled at his antics, happy that he was happy.

After the ceremony, she went in search for her betrothed. Her path was often crowed with people who wanted to wish the graduates luck for the future or even often opportunities for the future. She had to stop plenty of times to greet people she knew and engage in small talk before she could move on. By the time she found him, she was near out of breath. He was with his twin and the valedictorian along with a few others. She recognized them as the former members of the Host club. A graduate had lent her a photo book of the entire host club and she must admit if she wasn't entirely devoted to her love, she would have fallen for any of the previous members. She moved closer to the group, hoping to meet the rest of the Host club.

When she got close enough, she saw Fujjioka-sempai's arm was around one of the twins' arm. A wave of anger rose from the depth of her soul before she pushed it back with reasonable logic. She looked closer and saw the difference in the way they styled their hair. Fujioka-sempai was holding onto her love's twin's arm. She was in sight when the shortest blond gave a shout.

"EH! Hika-chan and Haru-chan are dating!" She was surprised as well as the taller blond. The two brunettes acted indifferently, giving their own two cents. She walked up to them and nodded to the wealthy heirs but her eyes were only on her love and his twin. She greeted the four alumni before she congratulate Fujioka-sempai and Hikaru-sempai on graduating. She smiled extremely brightly at her betrothed while specially congratulating him.

Her love looked somewhat in conflicted then. It was after a long period of thinking and pondering that she realized it was because of her that he was conflicted. At that time, all she wanted was for her love to tell everyone that they were going to be married. She didn't know then, that her intended was not as ready as she was. When he announced their engagement then, at first his twin thought it was a joke, not taking him seriously. But when he didn't take back the announcement, his twin looked shocked. The rest of the original host club looked shocked as well. She didn't know the reason why then, but she knew the reason why now.

Dinner was another quiet event. She ate neatly and tidily as she was taught. He, however, sketched while he ate. Once he was finished with his meal, he excused himself and went to his study room. After every dinner they had together, he would always excuse himself to go to his study room. He would occasionally go to the patio to the West Side gardens unless it was cold out. Even in the rain, he would go out there when he felt the need to. She finished her meal and retreated to the bedroom, the room where only two people slept. Sad to say, even after being married for so long, they have yet to consummate their marriage. Another sad note, Kaoru wasn't even sleeping in the same bed as her; he was sleeping on the sofa night after night.

During the four years between the announcement of their engagement and their wedding, Kaoru spent as little as possible with her. She knew he had his business to take care of with his brother, classes to worry about in university, and even the continuation of the Host club to deal with. She was disappointed with the little amount of time they were given together, but she tried to make the best of it. She tired to get to know him better, sharing with him her history and basic information about herself. In return, he gave a basic glancing of his history. She thought he was shy with sharing his past with her; after all, they were practically strangers with each other. She decided back then, that she would go steady with him, even during the marriage. She never thought that it would take months for him to start being able to sleep near her.

She occupied her time, reading a book or two. She was on Winter break at the moment from university. Kaoru was currently working on the upcoming summer line of clothing for his and his twin's clothing line, _Refreshing._ She had wanted to go on vacation with her husband, but he was busy. So she decided to stay home with him. Christmas was coming up in a week or so, she was hoping they would be able to kindle some affection by that time.

As the evening turned into night, she prepared herself to sleep. Looking through her closest, made up of mostly brand names, she randomly pulled out a night gown. The night gown she pulled out was one that brought back many memories. It was one of Kaoru's creations for his summer line of this year. It was made of a light material, a beautiful shade of coral pink with soft ruffles and a small bow under the breast. It was a very cute and pleasing gown. It has a simplicity feeling to it that feels new from all the other brand name clothing. She stared at the gown, feeling the soft material in her hands. She was wearing this gown when she found out the secret her husband did not want her to know. She had suspected the truth for a while, the itch that would not go away. But she ignored the warnings and continued to hope.

She slipped into the night gown and lay in the bed. She held up her left hand and stared at the wedding band on her ring finger. It was a beautiful band, inlaid with diamonds and rubies. Rubies and diamonds, intensifies emotions, stirs up passion, purity, peace, and traditionalism. They signified everything she wanted in a relationship. Everything she ever wanted, but will never have.

It was a few months into the marriage when she found out the truth. It was during the summer vacation and the host club decided to stay over at their mansion for two weeks. There was a big argument of where Haruhi-san would reside in before they decided that she would sleep in the room closest to the master's bedroom. The rest of the host club resided in the opposite side of the mansion, after Kaoru and Haruhi-san complained about the noise. She didn't complain as it was unsightly for the wife and hostess of the house to complain about the guests to their faces, especially when the guests were from influential families.

One night, during the short two week sleep over, she was having a case of insomnia. She was wandering the mansion when she overheard a conversation between her husband and his twin. She was curious enough to listen in on their conversation. It was a conversation she was still able to remember, word for word.

"So how are things with your wife?" Hikaru's voice was a big higher and rougher than her husband's.

"Not bad. What about you and Haruhi?" Her heart ached for the small lie and the name without an honorific.

"Great, I'm thinking about proposing next week."

"Oh…That's good. Congratulations."

"…Oh gods, Kaoru, don't tell me-"

"It's late Hikaru. Can't we talk about this later?" There was movement but she stayed in her place.

"No Kaoru. I need to know. How can I ask you to be my best man if I know you're dying from this?" Sounds of crashing were heard. She wanted to step in but she was pulled back by someone. She turned to see who it was and was mildly surprise that it was Tamaki-san. Tamaki-san shook his head and pressed a finger against his lips. The rest of the host club was standing nearby, ready to move in if things turned ugly.

"What do you want me to say? That I still have feelings for Haruhi! That every time I close my eyes to sleep, I wished it was her I'm sleeping next to? I didn't want to be married to a girl I barely knew! All I wanted was to be near her until the one day she would be married to someone. But I couldn't even have that!" Her heart broke instantly. After everything she gave for him, he was still in love with another woman. She shook off Tamaki-san's arm and ran back to her room. She cried herself to sleep that night and every night until class started up again. She did not leave her room after that either, staying in her room and watching the sun rise and set from her balcony.

The door to her bedroom opened and Kaoru stepped in, already dressed for bed. She smiled at him and he gave her a nod in return. That sent her spirits soaring. He never nodded to her when he came in to sleep. He usually just headed over to the sofa and grunted his good night before falling asleep. She knew her love for him was eternal and that he might never love her in return. She turned back to her side, facing the balcony when she felt a weight on the bed. She swiftly turned around to see the back of her husband as he pulled the covers over his shoulders. Her eyes widened when she heard him whisper out a soft, "Good night."

She lay back down with a giddy smile on her face graced her face as she fell into the arms of Morpheus.

The next few days, Kaoru became more and more affection. He showed signs that he was actually paying attention to her and that he was trying. Within the few days leading up to Christmas, he showed more affection than he did during the eight months they were married.

Before, she knew her love for him was naïve. She knew she was too hopeful and too optimistic. She was too trusting and not very smart. She loves Kaoru that she knew with everything in her mind and soul. She also knew that he loved Haruhi-san but she did not know if he still does or not. People might tell her that she could find a better man or she should have left a long time ago. But she loves Kaoru, loved him enough to be selfish and keep a hold on him with everything she can. She was not willing to let him go. Even if he hated her, she cannot let him go.

On Christmas Eve, after returning from Kaoru's company's Christmas party, she received her first kiss. He kissed her just as she was about to fall asleep. It was sweet and soft, just like how she always wanted it to be.

Affection started to come in heaps and loads as the end of the year comes closer and closer. She started to feel overwhelmed by the sudden fondness between the two. Overwhelmed she might have felt but she welcomed the new relationship with arms open wide. Yet, a part of her mind was crying out a warning for the sudden change of moods. A part of her was preparing her for the worst and this time, she paid attention to it. She was worried this change might leave, leaving her broken and hurt beyond repair.

On New Years Eve, she stayed home from the end of the year party Kaoru's company hosted. She knew the rest of the host club would be there and she was not in the mood to see them together again. She feigned illness to excuse herself from the party. Kaoru had actually looked worried when he left. Her heart felt lighter when he told her that he will return early to check up on her. That night, she waited patiently for him to return home. She couldn't wait to see him and watch the fireworks from their balcony.

When he returned, she knew something was wrong, that someone was amiss. The first sign of something wrong was when he forced her onto back onto the bed. The second sign was the sharp scent of alcohol coming from him. She tried to force him off but he was stronger and the alcohol was reinforcing that strength. She tried calling for help but remember the rest of the staff had the night off and the next day. He forced himself on her, completely different from when he was sober. She cried in pain as her first time was ripped from her.

She was not able to sleep at all that night. She could hear the steady breathing of her husband next to her as she watched the bright lights of fireworks in the sky. Her heart was shattered but her soul was trying to mend it back together.

The next morning Kaoru woke up with a groan. Without turning her head from the balcony, she listened to his sudden gasp and his arm, which was lying across her bare stomach, was snatched back, like he was burned.

"Fujoshi-"

"Anata was drunk last night. Anata did not know what he was doing. But I still love you no matter-"

"Enough. Enough is enough." He forced her to face him.

"I'm sorry. I," He looked away from her, not from embarrassment but from shame. Her soul paused in the middle of mending her heart, feeling a cold hand surrounding it.

"I married you, promising to love you and care for you. But I can't. I can't love you." He moved away from her, got off the bed and gathered his clothing. The hand was tightening its grip. He turned back to face her.

"I can care for you. You can buy whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. But I can't return your love." He smiled sadly at her.

"I gave away my love at 15. You're not her." He walked out and as the door closed, her heart and soul was crushed. Her entire being shook before a wrecking cry escaped her lips. Then another and another came. She let her cries out, starting the New Year with her heart broken beyond repair and her soul torn from her body.

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A/N: Please review. If you found any problems, please tell me. If you dislike it, please DON'T tell. I don't need the blow to my self esteem right now. If you like it, please tell me. If you notice anything wrong, please tell me. Thank you!

A/N: oh and yes, i purposely did not give her a name. I did not give the wife a name, because I didn't want to. I thought without a name, it might show something more. As to what, I can't be sure.

Fujoshi: wife

Anata: husband


End file.
